A Mary Sue Torture
by ShikaTachidoriKitsuneHebiTaka
Summary: Kill me now. I've made a Mary Sue for the Straw Hats. And it isn't going to stop there, please, kill me now! Oh, the angst!


**Hello. I'm bored, so I decided to kill my brain and hands, along with your brains, by typing Mary Sue stuff. Oh, the angst-y angst angst that is ansgting through my angst-y brain of angst-ness right now, no other angst could ever angst-ing-ly compare! That was me practicing. *looks back* I think I embodied it pretty well. Huh. *nods slowly* oh dear. What have I done? Oh. Well what I haven't done is said this.**

_**I DON'T OWN ONE PIECE! IS THIS NECESSARY? *Sighs…*really… I wish I did though, I'd be RICH!**_

Mary Sue. –**dear lord, WHAT HAVE I DONE!-**

"Uhh...who are you?" Luffy asked the 'well-equipped' girl hugging his midsection, the crew watching confusedly.

"Yeah. And why are you hugging Luffy?" Sanji asked, his normal actions at such a beautiful, seductive, innocent-looking, sweet-**Pukes**- girl overridden by his confusion on just who this beautiful, sed-**Has a heart attack—ladida, skipping!~-**girl, and why she was hugging his captain. The said –**insert very long Mary Sue description**-girl then jumped nimbly off Luffy, her chest somehow letting her do this, and landed oh-so-gracefully on her very, very, VERY skinny legs that somehow supported her weight as she landed on the Sunny's grassy deck.

"Oh!" She said, her very pink hair somehow clinging to her ridiculously thin body that was even thinner that Nami's hips in the pre-timeskip picture on One Piece wiki, and her deep purple eyes looking very innocent,

"Luffy-san-senpai-sempai-sensai-chan-nii-sama-kun! I'm your absolutely and ridiculously well-bodied older sister that despite my giant DDDDD boobs can still fight and jump and walk and was horribly abused and raped as a child that is somehow still a virgin and that excels at swordplay, cooking, instrument playing, navigating, sharpshooting, fixing anything, and doctoring that knows all languages, including dead ones, and has the Kirby-Kirby –**XD**- fruit, which lets me copy anything, plus I'm really stealthy and has the power of Uranus, Poseidon, and Pluto plus will get into a secret affair with everyone on this ship and has the World Government after me along with some super-pirates with bounties of 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 after me, and I know the truth of the Void Century and have a bounty of 999,999,999,999,999,999 beli! And my name is Monkey D. Shikenmahtatsunomakitaeko!"

The girl finally took a breath, her hair now a deep blue and her eyes yellow. –**WHAT. THE HECK. HAVE. I. DONE?-** Sanji looked at the girl. She was wearing a very small white bikini despite the fact that the island that they had just left an hour ago was a winter island in their winter season, and had the biggest boobs he had ever seen, emphasized by her six-inch waist. Sanji was overcome with her beauty and strode up to her, then loudly proclaimed;

"I LOVE YOU!"

To all those in earshot, i.e. the crew, before giving her a deep, deep kiss that soon had the two of them laying on the grass of the deck, their tongues interlocked. That was, before Usopp and Luffy **–I apologize Luffy, it seems I have you performing incest.-**got jealous and tore him off her, both starting –or trying to- make out with her too. Nami and Robin watched in horror before also being captured by her 'innocence' and also joining the 'harem' that was quickly being formed above Shikenmahtatsunomakitaeko –**shudders-** Zoro and Franky too were no match for her, they soon joined the 'harem' as well, which now had half of the occupants naked and licking the Mary Sue. Chopper and Brooke, being non-human and dead respectively, were able to resist her slightly, but they found themselves slowly walking towards the 'harem'. Brooke shot his arm out to the railing of the stairs to the steering room in desperation, catching hold and holding his other arm out to Chopper, who desperately caught on, though they could both feel themselves slowly loosening their respective grips.

**And then I felt guilty.**

~_W_**H**_A_**T** _T_**H**_E _**H**_E_**L**_L_**?**_?_**!**_!~_ Shika dropped from the sky, a kopesh in each hand and tentacles of shadow rippling off her arms and legs with two large black bat wings sprouted from her back. Shika landed on the deck with a huge wave of anger, shocking the 'harem' members enough to stop their 'harem'-ness. She raised her left arm towards Chopper and Brooke, both of whose grips were almost non-existent, and two shadow wisps grew out of their shadows on the deck and wrapped around their wrists, the power of which nullified the Mary Sue's own power over them. She then turned towards the 'harem' and tore the 'harem' apart with her powers, revealing the offender at the bottom of the pile naked with some 'strange' white liquid crossing her oh-so-skinny stomach. Shika glowered at her, the said girl shivering under her glare.

~_Y_**O**_U_ **D**_I_**D** _N_**O**_T_ **J**_U_**S**_T_ **S**_E_**D**_U_**C**_E_ **M**_Y_ **N**_A_**K**_A_**M**_A_**!** ~

The Sue then exploded underneath all of her illogicalness and the awesomeness of Shika's glare. As she did, Sabo jumped lightly up onto the deck from a small boat that had been with Shika.

"You didn't save anything for me!" He complained, his arms wrapped around Shika's waist, which was the size of a NORMAL waist, not that of a six-inch-Mary-Sue-waist.

~_Y_**o**_u _**w**_o_**u**_l_**d **_j_**u**_s_**t **_b_**e **_o_**g**_l_**i**_n_**g **_h_**e**_r.~_

He shrugged. "Okay, fine." He grinned. "Good thing we stopped by, eh Luffy?"


End file.
